Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of urinating on the Union Jack has been perpetrated by Jeremy Corbyn admirers.

The Mail can reveal that Jeremy Corbyn admirers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the Jeremy Corbyn admirers, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".